Diary of a Madwoman: The Sequel!

When we last heard from our heroine, she had just finished up camping out at her favorite nightspot (Kinko's) and was digging into some fabulous Chinese delicacies ("fabulous" = it didn't make her puke :) as she began her recovery process after the first leg of the megasuperkewl Tull tour.

For her next diary segment, Vyktoria: Road Warrior Goddess will delight and amaze you with tales of laundry (oh my!), developing film (gasp!), and slurping down the best uhh, "food," America's finest roadside diner (IHOP... no wait, is it Denny's or IHOP? You make the call. :) has to offer, and that's just the first paragraph, folks!

Not to mention her nerve-wracking run ins with government officials and John Tesh (which did not occur at the same time, contrary to what you may have heard on many of the alt.gossip newsgroups :).

Such is the glamorous life of a rock star.

"Egads! What else?" you may ask, with an anticipatory gleam in your bright, shining eyes.

More of the same, I'm afraid. :)

Oh, stop whining. Go ahead and read it anyway. You know you want to.

Take it away, Vyk!

GREETINGS FROM THE IHOP IN FLAGSTAFF, AZ 10-14-99

I'm finally "off the road."

I've got laundry in the hopper, the film at the developer's, and the car still crammed with stuff that needs to be sorted. It's Thursday, and I will arrive in Sedona this afternoon. Perhaps I'll write more from a more exotic location in red rock land.

Meanwhile, the reason I'm still in Flagstaff although the tour ended on Sunday is because I woke up Sunday with a major case of strep throat. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to make the Phoenix show. Even though I wasn't scheduled to open, I wanted to be there to do my "waitressing gig" and, of course, to say my goodbyes and wrap it all up. Well, I left Vegas Sunday morning and only made it 100 miles or so because I was so ill. I was laid up at a hotel for two days, unable to move. I made it to Flagstaff on Tuesday finally, saw the doc, got some drugs, and now I'm feeling much better with just a simple sore throat instead of a streptasaurus throat.

What is it about the beginning and end of tours? Bookends of food poisoning and strep throat. I have a theory. I felt so bad at the beginning of the tour, I was unable to get nervous at all, and I felt so bad at the end of the tour, it's like it didn't really end, or, at least, I couldn't FEEL the end. It's in some suspended state... hanging there. I trust that's the way it's supposed to go; no clichéd endings and all that. Besides, the good news is that I'll be doing the UK portion of the European tour, so on it goes! :)

I'm very excited about the UK tour, and it looks like it will be a much simpler existence for me. I'll be riding on the tour bus with the band, so that means no rental cars, no getting lost, etc. All I have to do is play, get on the bus, sleep (so they tell me), and wake up refreshed in uhh... Manchester or somewhere. Then I'll walk around, see the sights, get lost, etc. ;-) I'll have to travel with a lot less stuff though, and cram it all into one huge suitcase. (Ian constantly ribbed me about my extensive wardrobe on the US tour.) Ian and Martin have offered guitars for me to use so that I don't have to drag mine overseas, and that should help. I'll probably still take one Takamine just for security though.

(Editor's Note: At this point in time, Vyk fell into a deep and satisfying slumber after eating some cake and beer, or perhaps some yummy Indian food, or perhaps a Zeta resident of the Southwestern quadrant simply sprinkled her with some fairy dust and abducted her for a couple of days.)

zzzzzz... time passes...

zzzzzz... fittingly bizarre dreams starring Stuart Wax, The President of Showbiz, ensue... zzzzzz...

huh... wha?...

oh yeah. now where was I?...

(Editor's Note: We now rejoin our program already in progress. :)

GREETINGS FROM COFFEE ROASTERS IN SEDONA, ARIZONA

(outside, with a magnificient view of the red rocks... ahhhh)

So, to get on with this news thing and to re-cap the 2nd leg of the tour, I would have to say it that it flew by. It was only three weeks in length, but every day was a 300-400 mile drive to the next show, so there was a substantial amount of "car" to this tour.

Which reminds me to be thankful for the reliable Plymouth Breeze rental car, my 2nd rental car on the 2nd leg of the tour. "What happened to the 1st rental car?" you may ask? The first one was a lovely, bright-red Mercury Mystique which broke down on the 2nd day out for no apparent reason, and thus, lived up to its "mysterious" name.

I rented the Mystique in Flagstaff, Arizona on Wednesday and drove all the way to Raton, New Mexico (aka The Middle Of Nowhere), where I spent the night. The next morning, I ventured into Denny's for a cup of bad-coffee-to-go and then went to start up the Mystique only to find that it had "died." S E V E N  H O U R S later(!!!), a new car (the reliable Breeze) finally arrived, towed in from Santa Fe, New Mexico.

If you've ever spent seven hours in the parking lot of Denny's, you know it can get a little strange. :) Since I had three guitars, 700 CDs, gear, clothing, etc., in the car, I couldn't venture very far... not that there was anyplace to GO in Raton, NM. I did go INSIDE Denny's where I studied the menu extensively (it is now more vividly printed in my mind than the face of my own mother) and actually ordered non-edible items off the menu. FUN! Anyway, the Breeze finally arrived on a large tow truck, and I proceeded to transfer all 5,239 objects from one car to the other, get behind the wheel, crank 'er up, and....

KNOCK, KNOCK at the window.

"Miss, step out of the car."

"Who me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"We want to talk with you."

"Me?"

"Yes."

Etc, etc.

Two DEA guys, complete with guns, shiny badges, and polo shirts adorned with a marijuana leaf with a circle around it and slash through it, greeted me, ready to make the big bust!

Seems some nice person at Denny's called them thinking I was a big drug smuggler, and they had been staked out, watching my every move for three hours.

I couldn't stop laughing... I thought it was a joke, like candid camera or something.

I assured them that the large boxes I was transferring from one car to another were full of CDs, not crack, and told them I was on tour with Jethro Tull.

They were big Tull fans. Before I knew it, I was signing autographs.

The tow guy took our picture (Editor's Note: this monstrosity will eventually appear in the "Images" section of this website. Mark my words. :), and I said, "Later dudes!" and was FINALLY out of there!

OK, so it can only get better from here, right? :) I mean, it's good to get these sort of things out of the way on the first couple days of the tour.

I made it to Denver, which was a lovely venue, and we all rocked. The wild west was great, the scenery was incredible, and the audiences were MEGA. My favorite nights of this leg of the tour were Spokane, Concord, Bakersfield, Denver, and Missoula.

Time for a list! :) Highlights of the 2nd leg include:

1. Ian joining me on flute for "Do We Entrain" on the last several shows. I can't tell you the thrill of hearing Ian's flute swirling thru the "space jam" and on to match vocal lines and jamming out at the end. It was MEGA!!

2. Doane and Andrew joining me on "Where You End I Begin." Doane played bongos and Andrew made some very cosmic keyboard sounds (which he also did so beautifully on "Rainbow Black" during my set as well). It really lets you fly when you have such masterful musicians supporting your song. It was a blast.

3. Doing laundry with Ian in San Luis Obispo, CA (you had to have been there :).

4. Getting to LA, driving up to The Greek Theater, and seeing my name on the marquee right up there with (gasp!) John Tesh!! (eeek!!)

5. Hanging out with my most awesome girlfriend and web mistress Jennifer (and her kewl bestest buddy, Pat) ...thanks for schleppin' my guitars! (Editor's Note: no problem, dude.)

6. Playing outside in Missoula, Montana in 28 degree weather (brrr!) yet having my best voice night of the tour! Maybe I should try that more often. :)

7. Playing our almost nightly joke on Andrew. You see, Midge (Tull's way kewl stage manager) and I decided we needed to spice things up on my waitressing gig a little bit (when I bring Andrew the champagne at the start of "Locomotive Breath"), so we started adding "gifts" to the already special delivery. If you saw Andrew laugh or cringe upon opening his champagne "bill," now you're in on the joke. I can't tell you what we put in there, but trust me, it got more disgusting (and fun!) as the tour went on. :)

8. On one of my days off, I went to a lovely little town in the boondocks of Southern California called "Julian." It was one of those quainter-than-quaint places with little shops and pumpkin patches and kind of a halloween feel about it. So, I go into the cute little coffee/teahouse there to partake of a lovely beverage, and the counter girl looks at me and exclaims, "There she is! You're Vyktoria Pratt Keating!!" Yes, friends, I was recognized at the coffeehouse in Julian. I now know that I have truly "made it." If you're ever passing through there, stop in and say hello for me, won't you? ;-)

Well, I could go on and on, but I think I'll sign off and say goodbye for now. I would really like to thank so many people who helped me out on this epic adventure first though.

First, thanks to all of you fans, new and old, who have been so supportive, with your open minds and open hearts.

Thanks to Jennifer, the goddess of web, for tireless hours dorking on the computer for me, and for being there when I needed to spew. (Editor's Note: Sure thing. Uhh, I think I'll go read the phonebook now. ;-)

To Syd Cushman for getting me and my CDs on the road.

To Ian, Jethro Tull, and the entire Jethro Tull road crew for being so... so... well... MEGA!

To Jefri for flying out and getting to meet Ian.

To Rick, the Taylor rep, who came out with assorted guitar machine parts to help mend my new Taylor.

To Midge for fixing my Taylor.

To Shona for the PMS pills and for being there.

And special thanks to AG for his courage and friendship.

Merry meet again,

Vyktoria